Gentlemen, women lead very comfortable lives. It's great to be women. Really.
Sure, we can pee standing up, and they have this glass ceiling thing, but really, can smaller lines at public toilets and greater economic freedom compare with the feel of a face after a face scrub has been used on it?

I tell you, you poor sods, it can't.

Two years ago, I was one of you- I thought aloe-vera was some kind of cheese they made from goat's milk.

But now, my friends, I have a hand sanitizer; lip balm; face scrub; and cocoa butter foot lotion. Foot lotion! (I never use it because I used it once and I fell, but I have it, none the less.)

I have three ply toilet paper to wipe my nose with when I have a cold.

I am delighting in the pleasures of a whole world I never knew existed.

This is almost entirely courtesy my girlfriend, who initiated me into the secrets of soft face-skin and uncracked lips. She bought me things, things that in my blind ignorance I left unused for months, but insidiously, one by one, these things have crept into my life and now...

Man, oh man. Women have it good.