For quite some time, I was my grandfather's pet grandchild. Don't get me wrong, he loves all his grandchildren equally, but I was his first grandchild, and… Ok, I can't quite explain or qualify this. But I was.
And then, my cousin, Su, was born. This was when I was about 12, and firmly accustomed to being the cock of the walk. And I realized that my grandfather was talking about him all the time. And, of course, not quite realizing at the time that superannuation is in the nature of
things, I didn't like it at all. I liked Su, but I didn't like the fact that he existed, if that makes any sense.
I dealt with it, but it took me a long while.
Now Su has a brother, Vi. And when I went over to my grandparents' yesterday, everybody was clustered around Vi in the drawing room, and Su, I saw was sitting alone in the bedroom. No one noticed he wasn't around.
I could have told him it was going to happen eventually.
The worst thing about it is that I see his parents completely ignoring him. And it doesn't help that Vi is one of the cutest children I have ever seen. Everyone is in raptures over him.
I am no expert on family dynamics, but I realize that I am very lucky that after my sister was born, I still got a lot of time, from my Mom, my Dad, my grandparents, everyone. I was never made to feel completely overlooked.
And even though a few years ago, I quite desperately wanted the focus to shift away from Su, I would never have wished this on him.
19 comments:
heh?
oh ok.
i feel sorry for su.
and you.
hey dat rhymes!
ok.
happy "Day before christmas"!
you attentionmonger, you.
i'd be glad if my extended family'd stop paying any attention to me, my life, my activities. temporary distractions in the form of infants hardly seem to hold their interest. always wanting cannon fodder, them insatiable gossipmongers.
@ Xiamaze: Come on. This was like 10 years ago, almost. It doesnt rankle any more, and you dont have to feel sorry for me. :)
and Merry Christmas.
@ agarwaen: At least we're old enough to handle it, man. Poor old Su.
@Diviani: I aint no attentionmonger. OK, maybe just a little. :)
it happened to me for a month or two then everything died down...
is it worse to have people breathing down your neck, judging and criticizing you or not really caring enough to be interested whether you do really well or otherwise? i dont know.
i like being left to my own devices. it's never really been otherwise. so i dont know what it could feel like.
hmmm... i dont know.
i know a guy with a beautiful cousin who did a lot for him. maybe you could be Su's beautiful guardian angel cousin. that would be fun. :)
y'know what i mean?
it's a waste to let a person go down the drain for no fault of his or her own.
@purpleshunshinethings
you know, the beautiful cousin thing does wonders. i've this cousin who to my pre-pubescent mind was incredibly worshipworthy who was always very sweet to me and did not swat me off and included me in her /older/ and hence immeasurably fascinating activities without being ordered by her parents? since i've no siblings it was rather fun.
yeah, i can imagine. my cousins are painful (shhh)
but then all kinds of people rise to all kinds of occasions. y'know how they say you cant choose you're family, like you can choose you're friends. maybe thats a good thing....
i dont know... i really dont know if i'm sure about what i'm talking about. heh. but i feeling i have a point. but i dont know.
Yes. This happens. In almost every other family. Maybe this is when the seeds of sibling rivalry are sown. Some young ones are lucky-after the few initial weeks/months/years of ineqiutably bestowed affection on one sibling, the parents remember/return t o/rediscover the other one.For others, unfortunately, the roots grow deep.
Hope that doesn't happen to Su.Hope his parents reclaim him soon.
You belong to a group of the fortunate few who didn't have to face it.
You know,I have a lovely photograph of the good ol' days...my dad's sitting cross-legged,with chubby gleeful one-year ol' sis on one knee, and teeny tiny ugly squinting new-born me on the other knee...he's beaming beatifically...almost like he cant decide who to attend to!...
Hope this photograph happens to Su :) Soon. With the appropriate gender changes, of course!!
well i would be glad you know if my extended family stopped being a little nosy into all my affairs and let me mind my own business
but i feel sorry for SU all the same!
@aarshi: really? as in, own sibling or cousin?
@Shunshine: wow, shunshine. Youre absolutely right, you know. I am usually the absently hair-ruffling older cousin kind. But you know, Im pretty close to my own sister, and I gave her stuff to read, and listen to, and we have incredibly long and convoluted converstaions, and maybe I could try that with Su.
and you know something else, you can choose family. I think when Im older, im going to be in touch with like 7 people. or something.
@J: You know, I sincerely hope that happens to Su. He deserves it, poor little guy. And show me that picture sometime!
@rohit: yeah, but you see, Su is 8. Im sure he feels the lack of attention. As in, now, I definitely would not appreciate any family member inquiring too closely into my activities... :)
I have a brother who is almost 8 years younger than me.
I like the fact that I don't hog all the attention any more.
whew!! blessed is i as an only child!!
@ bim: But you arent ignored, isnt it? not hogging all the attention, and languishing in outer darkness are poles apart, bim.
@ rags: you dont know what you're missing!!!
please post.
UPDATE!!!
even i updated!
UPDATE!!!
exams guys...will update after the 17th... much touched, though
hell!i could have sympathised with Au and all that happenned to you,but instead what really struck me was that you of all of them noticed how much dejected the kid felt,related it to the same ole shitty feeling u had when su hogged the attention...and decided to blog about it.
yeah!
telling the whole world what it is like to be me!!!
:)
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